FORTEWHINER.COM

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Please don’t actually do any of these. Article for entertainment purposes only.

1) Hold a bunch of people in a bank hostage and instead of demanding bribe money instead.

Direct concerned citizens who want the hostages released from your evil clutches to your squeeze page. Tell them that you will not release the hostages until X number of optins. (you can keep tabs on the numbers with a handy dandy smart phone) Also to stimulate action on those optins you can post videos of you forcing your hostages to play twister naked. Make sure the twister videos are also on your squeeze page. The sheer horror of it all will cause floods of traffic. And yummy email addresses.

2) Speaking of nakedness, everybody loves it.

Ever seen a streaker at a sports event? With or without the rubber chicken they are the focus and highlight of the game. After a good streak nobody cares which team wins. Here is what you do: Pay a streaker to run across the field with your website painted on their butt. Remember when Janet Jackson had her breast exposed at the super bowl? We all heard about that for way too long (who cares really. They aren’t THAT nice). Her boob got more attention in 5 minutes than your squeeze page will in 100 years. Just imagine if you masterminded the entire stunt and PAID to have your website address painted on her exposed chest area? Your servers would crash you’d be getting so much traffic. You could retire almost immediately.

3) Ah yes, sporting events. They all have a “kiss cam” these days.

In case you don’t know what a kiss cam is- It’s when the dude running the camera pans to a cute couple sitting in the stands and everybody cheers for them to kiss. You could get chummy with the camera dude and promise that he can go on a date with your hot sister if he’ll only make sure to pan in on a couple that you’ve planted. The couple has to have hats, shirts, shorts, a sign etc. with your site on them. Bam. Traffic. Leads. Yes!

Now imagine if the couple you planted were both GIRLS!!! At least in America you never hear of the kiss cam panning to one of these couples (sucks I know) but what if it did? The coverage and outrage would be nation wide. The camera dude would probably lose his job, but that’s ok. He could come live in the basement of your mansion for free.

Please keep in mind that none of these entertaining lead generation techniques should actually be attempted. If you want to find out how the real pros do it day in and day out head over to http://www.overcomeeverything.com where you’ll find a smorgasboard of thought provoking and effective lead generation techniques. Oh and strategy #2 may not work if you don’t have an eligible sister. Sorry.